So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
