Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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