so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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