How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
