I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Life is so much better after having sex.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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