i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
