North Korea, Best Korea!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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