theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
