i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
