Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize