So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
