I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
