So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
