he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
