I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
