I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
