How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
