i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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