i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
