so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
