girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize