i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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