A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
