Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
