Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
