i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
