Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
