just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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