Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
