I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
