Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
