If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
