Do you still have your period?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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