oh god the rape fog is back!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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