She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
