youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
