you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
