I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
