Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
