they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
