I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
