I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
