My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
