I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
