At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
