I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
