He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
