I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
A bitchslap is in order.
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