No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
