I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize