So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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