Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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