dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
