I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
