PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
