We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
