Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
