I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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