Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he thought i was a dude.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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