i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
