even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
