i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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