I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
