just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
