You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I forgot how hot balto sounded
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
