I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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