He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
